Have my in-jokes you won't get

My name is Ste and this is the tumblog of a 27 year old geek. How rare!



I'll be dumping stuff about the various shows, games and comedy I enjoy in here. I've also make the occasional gif set myself!
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[Police Chief] Jiminez said he spoke with the officer, and placed him on unpaid suspension. Jiminez said officers are often provoked by protesters, but sometime officers also play the role of agitator.

dokibots:

haha! have fun at highschool today NERDS. i’m gonna be doing cool ADULT stuff like sleeping WHENEVER i want and CRYING 

(via gravitationalpush)

Fear of a Black Victim [credit]

(via gravitationalpush)

voxlunch:

30 More monster girls 22/30 - Elemental

Not actually sure what element is being depicted here, but this sketch seemed to turn out pretty alright.
Full list here.

Seems like it might be the default form of an elemental species that later takes on its preferred energy type. Works for fire, sand and water elementals, at least.

tooquirkytolose:

tooquirkytolose:

~And they lived happily ever after~

This was really dumb and a lot of fun to draw :D

This is it, my first 100k post. Everyone keeps asking me to draw more of them but this was just supposed to be a one time thing, I don’t even have names for them! D:

(via poptart42)

thetimetravelersguidetothegalaxy:

my blog is like this fucking grab bag except you never exactly know what you’re going to get in said bag

is it fandom???

is it feminist rants???

is it food???

who knows you could probably find a fucking crocodile in there

(via artisanscribbles)

teal-deer:

siderealsandman:

friendlytroll:

astrakiseki:

prokopetz:

mikhailvladimirovich:

bogleech:

It’s funny how science fiction universes so often treat humans as a boring, default everyman species or even the weakest and dumbest.

I want to see a sci fi universe where we’re actually considered one of the more hideous and terrifying species.

How do we know our saliva and skin oils wouldn’t be ultra-corrosive to most other sapient races? What if we actually have the strongest vocal chords and can paralyze or kill the inhabitants of other worlds just by screaming at them? What if most sentient life in the universe turns out to be vegetable-like and lives in fear of us rare “animal” races who can move so quickly and chew shit up with our teeth?

Like that old story “they’re made of meat,” only we’re scarier.

HOLY SHIT THEY EAT CAPSAICIN FOR FUN

YOU GUYS I HEARD A HUMAN ONCE ATE AN AIRPLANE.

A HUMAN CAN KEEP FIGHTING FOR HOURS EVEN AFTER YOU SHOOT IT

humans are a proud warrior race with a pantheon of bloody gods: Ram-Bo, Schwarzenegger, etc.

REMOVING A LIMB WILL NOT FATALLY INCAPACITATE HUMANS: ALWAYS DESTROY THE HEAD.

WARNING: HUMANS CAN DETECT YOU EVEN AT NIGHT BY TRACKING VIBRATIONS THROUGH THE ATMOSPHERE

WARNING: HUMANS CAN REPRODUCE AT A RATE OF 1 PER SPACEYEAR. DESTROY INFESTATIONS IMMEDIATELY

THE HUMAN MOUTH HAS OVER THIRTY OUTCROPS OF BONE AND POWERFUL JAW MUSCLES.

HUMAN BITES CAN BE FATALLY INFECTIOUS EVEN TO OTHER HUMANS

WARNING: HUMANS CAN AND WILL USE IMPROVISED WEAPONS. SEE CLASSIFIED DATA LABELED J. CHAN.

HUMANS CAN PROJECT BIOWEAPONS FROM ALMOST EVERY ORIFICE ON THEIR BODY. DO NOT INHALE

OH GOD THE HUMANS FIGURED OUT DOOR HANDLES OH GOD OH GOD

More seriously, humans do have a number of advantages even among Terrestrial life. Our endurance, shock resistance, and ability to recover from injury is absurdly high compared to almost any other animal. We often use the phrase “healthy as a horse” to connote heartiness - but compared to a human, a horse is as fragile as spun glass. There’s mounting evidence that our primitive ancestors would hunt large prey simply by following it at a walking pace, without sleep or rest, until it died of exhaustion; it’s called pursuit predation. Basically, we’re the Terminator.

(The only other animal that can sort of keep up with us? Dogs. That’s why we use them for hunting. And even then, it’s only “sort of”.)

Now extrapolate that to a galaxy in which most sapient life did not evolve from hyper-specialised pursuit predators:

  • Our strength and speed is nothing to write home about, but we don’t need to overpower or outrun you. We just need to outlast you - and by any other species’ standards, we just plain don’t get tired.
  • Where a simple broken leg will cause most species to go into shock and die, we can recover from virtually any injury that’s not immediately fatal. Even traumatic dismemberment isn’t necessarily a career-ending injury for a human.
  • We heal from injuries with extreme rapidity, recovering in weeks from wounds that would take others months or years to heal. The results aren’t pretty - humans have hyperactive scar tissue, among our other survival-oriented traits - but they’re highly functional.
  • Speaking of scarring, look at our medical science. We developed surgery centuries before developing even the most rudimentary anesthetics or life support. In extermis, humans have been known to perform surgery on themselves - and survive. Thanks to our extreme heartiness, we regard as routine medical procedures what most other species would regard as inventive forms of murder. We even perform radical surgery on ourselves for purely cosmetic reasons.

In essence, we’d be Space Orcs.

I do hope you realize I’m going to be picking up this stuff and running with it right? 

Our jaws have too many TEETH in them, so we developed a way to WELD METAL TO OUR TEETH and FORCE THE BONES IN OUR JAW to restructure over the course of years to fit them back into shape, and then we continue to wear metal in out mouths to keep them in place. 

We formed cohabitative relationships with tiny mammals and insects we keep at bay from bothering us by death, often using little analouge traps. 

And by god, we will eat anything. 

  • We use borderline toxic peppers to season our food. 
  • We expose ourselves to potentially lethal solar radiation in the pursuit of darkening our skin. 
  • We risk hearing loss for the opportunity to see our favorite musicians live. 
  • We have a game where two people get into an enclosed area and hit each other until time runs out/one of them pass out
  • We willingly jump out of planes with only a flimsy piece of cloth to prevent us from splattering against the ground. 
  • Our response to natural disasters is to just rebuild our buildings in the exact same places. 
  • We climb mountains and risk freezing to death for bragging rights
  • We invented dogs. We took our one time predators and completely domesticated them. 
  • On a planet full of lions, tigers and bears, we managed to advance further and faster than any other species on the planet. 

Klingons and Krogan and Orcs ain’t got shit on us

can we talk about how pursuit predation is fucking terrifying

it’s one thing to face down a cheetah, which will slam into you at 60 mph and break your neck

it’s another thing to run very quickly to get away from a thing, only to have it just kind of

show up


to have it be intelligent enough to figure out where you are by the fur and feather you’ve left behind, your footprints and piss and shit, and then you think you’ve lost it and you bed down for the night but THERE IT IS

WAITING

WHEN YOU WAKE UP

and you split! again! but it keeps following you. always in the corner of your eye. until you just

die

we are scary motherfuckers ok

chrisuminga:

Crop of my finished Dancing Baby Groot piece . ( copic on Bristol)

(via casecous)

voxlunch:

Pests of the mind - Doubtworm

Very insidious and difficult to remove, the doubtworm is a very serious pest requiring patience and vigilance. Doubtworms will imitate the victim’s own inner monologue and draw from past experiences to create convincing illusions of worthlessness. These illusions in time can become genuine beliefs, which can haunt victims long after a successful doubtworm removal.

Note: Extracted doubtworms can be refined into a paste that is very useful for creative endeavors of all types.

(via gravitationalpush)

voxlunch:

Pests of the mind - Joyleech

The joyleech anchors itself to a victim and extracts mirth to sustain itself. Onset of despair can be gradual, which is why joyleeches can often go undetected for long periods of time. The slow deadening of happiness, loss of interest in hobbies and so forth is easily mistaken for natural processes that are a function of age when it is more commonly a joyleech infestation.

Note: Joyleech husks can be inflated, dried and painted bright colors for use as party favors.

(via gravitationalpush)

voxlunch:

Pests of the mind - Isolationpod

This hardshelled creature shields its victim from all assertions that they are loved, cared about, or important. Its tough chitin blocks all forms of compliments and affection, leaving the host with a crushing sensation of loneliness. Carefully worded, emphatic expressions of love and respect are sometimes able to pierce this barrier and repeated application will weaken and eventually break it.

Note: Isolationpod shells make excellent salsa dishes at gatherings for friends and family.

(via gravitationalpush)

voxlunch:

Pests of the mind - Hatenugget

One of the more common types of mental pest, the hatenugget exists to spew raw negativity at a volume surprising for its size. They attack victims in numbers with general abuse in hopes of overcoming them with brute force. Hatenuggets are susceptible to logic as their statements have little or no grounding in reality, making them easier to cope with than other more insidious pests. This said, they are very persistent and can be an overwhelming surprise to the unprepared.

Note: Hatenuggets make the most satisfying sound imaginable when crushed underfoot.

that-big-gay-impala:

THE SARCASM IN THIS POST IS LETHAL

(via sunspotery)